I did it on Monday instead.
They were having a teachers' conference. Teachers from seven other kindies had come to see how it was done. I knew I should say, "NO! No way!" when I was asked to do a short demo lesson - "only 10 minutes" - but I am kind-hearted, and Ruby (the principal) pleaded with me, said it was very important to her, and I like Ruby. But inside I still knew it was a bad idea ...
I slept fitfully the night before, with dreams full of short people and finger puppets and sock snakes ...
Against my better judgment I took along my guitar as well. I had foolishly mentioned to Ruby that I have a guitar, and she had been keen for me to use it.
It was an exceptionally humid morning - not terribly hot, but very sweaty feeling, and threatening to rain. I set off in the taxi clutching my bag of goodies and my guitar, and with my stomach knotting and unknotting itself. The taxi ride was, as always, far too short, and I arrived far sooner than I wanted to be there.
The staff all looked exceptionally smart in their brand-new pale pink t-shirts - I felt clammy and crumpled before I even started. There was a camera crew hanging around near the front door - I smiled bleakly and sidled past them, stepping lightly over the huge pictorial world map on the floor, and then up the wooden stair-case with a different word and picture on the front of each step. I noticed Ruby had corrected the spelling error on one of the posters after I pointed it out to her - everything was perfect. Sure enough, the camera men were following me, and I tried not to puff too hard as I reached the top of the fourth flight of stairs.
I knew that I was to "warm up" in the first classroom, and then they would call me into the other class just before the demo. So I headed into the first classroom. All the little sweetie-pies were still sitting at their little grey tables finishing breakfast. They were wearing their tartan uniforms and were suffering in the humidity about as much as I was. The little girls kept grabbing at the crotch of their hot white tights and trying to hoist them up in very un-lady-like fashion. I waited while they finished up, each throwing their little metal mug into a big blue bucket and then pulling their chair into the circle. The teachers handed me a tiny grey chair so I could sit and wait. I noticed that for some reason the children were on coloured plastic stools instead of their usual chairs.
I went through all the usual songs and rhymes with the class - the kids had a lot of fun, and I was beginning to relax and enjoy myself. They loved singing "Alison's camel has 10 humps", and I taught them "She'll be coming round the mountain" with my guitar. Then I let some of them sit next to me and have a try at playing the guitar - when I put the guitar on their knees their eyes were barely visible over the top - which they all found highly amusing. Several times the children in the circle forgot that they were sitting on stools instead of chairs and suddenly disappeared over backwards - I found it amusing, but they didn't seem to think so ...
Then Ruby appeared and said, "Its nearly time, come and have a rest ..." and I went and stood, sweating, in the hallway for a while.
Then I headed into the classroom . The kids were just getting seated on their little chairs. I settled on my tiny chair at the front, and, as instructed, started with "5 little ducks" so that the lesson would be underway and the kids relaxed when "they" came in to watch.
Well, oddly enough, the kids DID noticed the fifty or so people - and cameras - that poured into the classroom a few seconds later. And they were completely spooked. I ended up doing a solo with the ducks, dragging the five finger-puppet-wearing participants back and forth across the front of the room with the help of the nervous Chinese teachers. I decided that I would move on to the camel song because I was confident that at least the kids would join in properly.
And I was right, I had their attention focused back on me, despite the huge TV camera being held at knee-height (their face level) and moved along the row, inches from their pudgy cheeks. But the song is long, by the time we had gone from "10 humps" down to "no humps ... so Alison has a horse of course!" I was sweating and exhausted in the worst possible way ... and my audience was beginning to look bored.
Quickly settling the kids, I grabbed the guitar and launched into "Yay-yay-yippee-yippee-yay ..." I could feel that my hoarse, tired voice was out of tune, and my guitar had gone slightly out of tune since the first class. After the first couple of messed-up sounding verses I was oddly distressed to see them all tromping back out - I wanted to call them back, "no, don't go, I haven't finished, I can do better ...!" But sanity prevailed and I let them go.
When I got outside again it was raining and there was a cool breeze blowing - where was that breeze half an hour ago?
Now it will be another week before I have to come up with some more new ideas to entertain and hopefully teach the little darlings.
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